Why I Think Judging Parenting Practices is Necessary.





OK, so I am probably going to get a lot of flack for writing this, but it’s been heavy on my mind and I don’t want to hold back anymore. So many things we are not supposed to say in an attempt to keep some level of peace and order, but I am of the opinion that in many cases keeping quiet does more harm than good. Here it goes.

As many of you know, I am a mom. Naturally, as a mom I somehow end up in a lot of mommy groups online. Truth be told, it is usually really hard for me to read so many of the posts in these groups. You see, an online mommy group is basically where a bunch of moms go to ask a million questions (“is this dot on my daughter’s toe normal?”), trade baby goods and complain about their husbands.

There is something that I often see in said groups that I have to speak up about, and this doesn’t happen only in these groups but in life as well, and I just can’t take it any longer.

It sounds something like,

“Don’t be so judgmental,” or “let people parent how they want to parent.”




Let me be clear. Yes, on some level too much judgment or concern about how someone else is doing something is only going to drive you crazy, and yes I drive myself crazy at times. There are absolutely certain things that parents should have the right to choose how and when and where they do XY and Z with their child. Absolutely. Then there are some things that are straight up not OK, and telling people not to judge is a way that one doesn’t have to inquire about the harm they are potentially causing. Instead, we have gotten to a place where we can pull out the, “mommy wars” card at anyone who is telling us that what we are doing to our children is not in the child’s best interest. Another very popular response is,

“What works for some people/families/babies doesn’t work for everyone’s.”

Again, yes, at times this is true. Some babies like being swaddled, some do not, etc.

Then, there are some things where biologically speaking, as humans, we are not that different. In the cases of how our brains are affected by trauma and abuse, we are not that different. In terms of our biological requirements as human beings, we are not that different. What we often times mean by, “this is what works for our family,” translates to is, “this is what works for me.” What is most convenient for parents isn’t always what is best for baby.



So where is the line? Where then, can we step in and say, “Hey, I am actually looking out for your child.” When can we stop making it about us and how our feelings might get hurt if someone points out something we are doing that could be causing harm?

What if I decided to give my daughter labiaplasty? Hey, I like the way it looks, and I read an article somewhere that it’ll help keep her vagina cleaner. Don’t judge me.

Oh, and when I don’t like how my partner is acting I just get out the belt and whop him on the ass. Put him in a corner to cry. Hey, he deserved it.Β He’s MY partner and I’ll Β deal with him however I want.

You get the point.




Some of the things we do to our children-our BABIES- we would never dream of doing to others. Do you judge child abusers? Rapists? Sexual predators? I hope you do. Judging these types of people is what gives us the discernment to say, “Hey, this is NOT right.” I am not comparing parents to rapists. I am saying that there is a certain type of judgment that is good, in my opinion.

What if I told you-and this is where I am going to catch some flack- that some of our parental “choices” and “rights” are merely socially acceptable forms of child abuse, neglect, and sexual assault.

There. I said it.

Judging other parents for their decisions to modify their child’s body, leave their baby alone to cry in a dark room until they are vomiting (or any form of cry-it-out), and using physical force as a form of punishment is not me being sanctimonious or perpetuating “mommy wars” anymore than judging and calling out a rapist is being a cock block.

We judge these behaviors so that we can make better decisions so that we can have a better life for ourselves and our children and ultimately, humanity.





Judging human behavior is natural and a way that our internal alarm system goes off when universal law is being abandoned.

“Asking someone not to judge is one of the most unnatural things you could ask. What you’re essentially asking the person to do is to act brain-dead and abandon their natural human faculties, which is itself unnatural as long as the person is alive.”

As parents it is our job to question common practices and evaluate if we are carrying them out because it’s a pattern and it is what was done to us or if it’s because it works and actually feels good to do it. The problem with so many of these issues I am talking about is that it is rare that people are consciously choosing them. They were mostly chosen for them by society and are passed down quackery.

” If you don’t know your options then you don’t have any,” and therefore you are not acting from a place of choice, you are acting on autopilot and acting from that place does not give you freedom to choose. You are not choosing. You are a prisoner of “tradition” in a sense.

To not question these harmful and trauma inducing parenting practices that have caught wind in our culture is to perpetuate intellectual dronery (if that wasn’t a word before, it is now).




We have to stop assuming that common practices are okay simply because they are common. Many of them are only common in our country, on our side of the imaginary lines. Do you realize that things we think are acceptable and normal here are BANNED in other countries? Can we stop justifying common practices simply because they are common? Can we think past the fact that some things are widespread and actually question the nature of them? In reality there is no difference in mutilating a boy’s genitals than there is a girl’s. There is no difference in piercing a baby’s nose than her ears. There is no difference in hitting your spouse than there is in hitting your child. There is no difference in threatening and isolating an upset child than there is in isolating and threatening an upset girlfriend, except maybe your girlfriend has the brain capacity to self-soothe and regulate herself, unlike a small child. Something we can only learn as adults if we were made to feel secure and attached as infants.

So go ahead. Call me judgmental and sanctimonious. You can claim that I “must be so perfect compared to all the horrible moms out there.” I am not perfect. I mess up. I get frustrated and I have felt overwhelmed. This isn’t about being perfect. Being a parent who inquires about their decisions doesn’t make you perfect or better, it just makes you responsible. Thinking and using methods and formulas (not the food kind) on our children only detaches us from feeling them in every situation. They’re not spreadsheets. They are thinking, feeling, needing beings. The only “war” on moms are the ones created by “experts” and other people who tell mothers to go against their natural instincts and cause harm to their babies. We are so concerned about the feelings and “rights” of the mother that we keep our mouths shut and “support” her no matter what. I will tell you, I don’t always support a decision just because it was made by a fellow mother. What about a child’s right to health, optimal development and bodily autonomy? What about how a baby feels when he is left alone in a room for 12 hours? We would be appalled if someone left a baby alone in a dark closet alone from 6am to 6pm. But a dark room alone from 6pm to 6am? Totally fine, but why? Their needs don’t go away at night.




I digress.

I am not anti-mom. I am a huge proponent in needing more support for mothers. The lack of it is devastating and in large part to blame for the bad decision making I am talking about. It is not totally our fault.

I am pro-child. Children deserve to be treated and cared for the way I believe nature and the universe intended. This doesn’t mean making sure they don’t ever cry or protecting them from all pain and failure. It means not inflicting it upon them intentionally and unnecessarily. It means being willing to look at all of our actions to see if that is what we are doing. Children are not sub-human.

“Children are not property, they are people; precious individuals worthy of love, respect, and protection. Listen when they speak. Comfort them when they cry. Treat them kindly. Teach them devotedly. Correct them compassionately. Love them unconditionally.Β 

If we want the world to be a better place, we should start by being better to children.”

-Peacefulparenting.org




 

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79 Comments

  1. I could not possibly love this more. I made a Facebook rant about this exact thing not too long ago, but you said it much more nicely and eloquently. Children are PEOPLE and deserve the best we can give them!

  2. I could not possibly love this more. I made a Facebook rant about this exact thing not too long ago, but you said it much more nicely and eloquently. Children are PEOPLE and deserve the best we can give them!

  3. I don’t believe ‘nature’ or ‘the universe’ have any intentions whatsoever but I do agree with most of your points. As a species capable of empathy we’re letting children down. We’ve come a long way from believing babies don’t feel physical pain, but still dragging our feet on the path to acknowledging their mental and emotional distress. When a toddler shows that they’re tired, stressed, over-stimulated etc. by tantrumming it’s more than just an annoying facade they put up to make adults lives harder, they’re suffering. Punishing them for it is unconscionable.
    On the punishing note, hitting children while telling them not to hit people sends a whole confusing mixture of godawful messages. If hitting people is bad does that mean mummy is bad? Or do children not count as people? Or is the child you’re hitting sub-human so you can hit it but it’s not allowed to hit people? Or is it okay to hit people you’re in a position of power over? Or is it that you can ask for more self control from a child than you’re willing to demonstrate yourself? Gah I ended up saying more than I meant to but it feels good to say it somewhere!

    1. i am with you
      and i really enjoyed what you had said about nature or the universe having no intentions….
      have a great day

  4. I don’t believe ‘nature’ or ‘the universe’ have any intentions whatsoever but I do agree with most of your points. As a species capable of empathy we’re letting children down. We’ve come a long way from believing babies don’t feel physical pain, but still dragging our feet on the path to acknowledging their mental and emotional distress. When a toddler shows that they’re tired, stressed, over-stimulated etc. by tantrumming it’s more than just an annoying facade they put up to make adults lives harder, they’re suffering. Punishing them for it is unconscionable.
    On the punishing note, hitting children while telling them not to hit people sends a whole confusing mixture of godawful messages. If hitting people is bad does that mean mummy is bad? Or do children not count as people? Or is the child you’re hitting sub-human so you can hit it but it’s not allowed to hit people? Or is it okay to hit people you’re in a position of power over? Or is it that you can ask for more self control from a child than you’re willing to demonstrate yourself? Gah I ended up saying more than I meant to but it feels good to say it somewhere!

    1. i am with you
      and i really enjoyed what you had said about nature or the universe having no intentions….
      have a great day

  5. I have had to go through my own trial and error and i have had to stand up for my truth against family and husband because i realized that i was only following hand me downs and i wasnt into it anymore…it was time for something new
    I do have to say that you might want to check out other countries’ standards on punishment with children…you might be surprised how much more compassionate our families can be compared to the latter
    Good day to you (^.^)

  6. I have had to go through my own trial and error and i have had to stand up for my truth against family and husband because i realized that i was only following hand me downs and i wasnt into it anymore…it was time for something new
    I do have to say that you might want to check out other countries’ standards on punishment with children…you might be surprised how much more compassionate our families can be compared to the latter
    Good day to you (^.^)

  7. I get your point. I agree mostly. Just one thing, humans are seldom black and white. They get exposed to one thing, they somehow adjust and might start a journey towards more empathy. It’s a work in progress. Honestly, i think for the majority, it’s a matter of unlearning, being exposed and inspired gradually. The judgment that we are guilty of, is not the condemnation of choices, behavior, parental practices,… It is the quick fitting into good or bad parenting. It is the lack of willingness to guide into awareness, knowledge, choice like we would do for anyone in a learning position. Instead, we make them feel like a lost cause. A failure. The wrong parents. We assume they are either dumb or consciously harming the children. That s the kind of reactions that trigger the defensive responses.

  8. I get your point. I agree mostly. Just one thing, humans are seldom black and white. They get exposed to one thing, they somehow adjust and might start a journey towards more empathy. It’s a work in progress. Honestly, i think for the majority, it’s a matter of unlearning, being exposed and inspired gradually. The judgment that we are guilty of, is not the condemnation of choices, behavior, parental practices,… It is the quick fitting into good or bad parenting. It is the lack of willingness to guide into awareness, knowledge, choice like we would do for anyone in a learning position. Instead, we make them feel like a lost cause. A failure. The wrong parents. We assume they are either dumb or consciously harming the children. That s the kind of reactions that trigger the defensive responses.

  9. We need to make parenting class/lessons mandatory for all parents to be. I know this sounds harsh but my Dr. & Midwife offered them. It is time to get serious about child abuse!

  10. We need to make parenting class/lessons mandatory for all parents to be. I know this sounds harsh but my Dr. & Midwife offered them. It is time to get serious about child abuse!

  11. Can you provide a link or source promoting leaving a baby alone in a dark room from 6pm to 6am? I don’t know any CIO proponents who would advocate something that extreme.

    1. The reason I wrote 6am to 6pm is because that’s a general bedtime. People leaving their baby alone for the entire duration of whenever their idea is that baby should be sleeping. Obviously, that time period is going to be different for some people. Maybe bedtime is 7pm, I dunno. But many people believe babies should sleep for 12 hours so they put their baby in the room, baby cries until baby falls asleep, then baby isn’t taken out until it’s morning. Make sense?

      1. Hi again:) I wasn’t specifically talking about the bedtime of 6pm, I was wondering where you have seen someone say a baby is expected to sleep for 12 hours straight . I’m not a fan of the CIO philosophy but I think it’s important that we fairly represent views that are different than our own, and avoid creating straw man arguments that don’t actually exist in reality.

        1. Again, my point isn’t that bedtime is a certain time or that baby sleeps twelve hours straight. Maybe it’s 8pm to 5am. Or 9pm to 6am. The point is many parents leave their baby alone during bedtime hours and use cry it out if their baby is not sleeping. Or sleep training their baby and using baby sleep coaches to ensure that baby sleeps through the night. Night time parenting isn’t happening. Baby is just in a room alone at night. Just check out Ferber Method or Baby Wise or any baby sleep training resource. The point is to get baby to sleep through the night and use CIO when baby inevitably does not. The idea is that something is wrong and baby should be OK alone at night and sleeping through the night. There is little to no parenting happening during these hours as far as I am concerned.

        2. Also, for whatever reason this is acceptable in our society. But if we were do these same tactics during the day, people would call it neglect.

  12. Can you provide a link or source promoting leaving a baby alone in a dark room from 6pm to 6am? I don’t know any CIO proponents who would advocate something that extreme.

    1. The reason I wrote 6am to 6pm is because that’s a general bedtime. People leaving their baby alone for the entire duration of whenever their idea is that baby should be sleeping. Obviously, that time period is going to be different for some people. Maybe bedtime is 7pm, I dunno. But many people believe babies should sleep for 12 hours so they put their baby in the room, baby cries until baby falls asleep, then baby isn’t taken out until it’s morning. Make sense?

      1. And why in the world wouldn’t you leave them if they were asleep that whole time? Our son was sleeping 11 hours straight by the time he hit 6-7 months. That was what his body clock wanted and I certainly wasn’t about to go wake him up just because it had been “x” number of hours. He still sleeps 11-12 hours straight at 5…kid just likes his sleep! This is precisely an example of different kids need different things.

        1. I’m referring to the children who are not asleep the whole time during that period. And personally, I’d be constantly getting up to check on my son even if he did sleep they long straight. So, in that sense as well, my room is easier.

  13. I adore this entire article. I judge parents for making unsafe decisions too, such as having an infant car seat on top on a grocery cart. It kills me every time, because it is unsafe and dangerous, but many parents do it. It makes me so uneasy, especially if the cart is very small and this huge car seat is on top! I also wonder how many of these parents get into accidents and realize they broke the carseat by doing this? Not a good time to find out!

  14. I applaud you . No slack from me either . lot of mummy s feel that way but seldom ever speak out thinking it is non of my business and what ever works for her/him / them.
    I was brought up with pretty much no love. Being one of 7 . Busy parents .. too many kids and too little time for everything and everyone .
    But when i fell pregnant. .. i wanted to do everything right and didnt want to follow in my parents foot steps . I bought a whole heap of books and more after i gave birth on sleep and toddler hood. But the more i read the more confused i became.
    And people (older women) were advising me to not let the baby sleep while breastfeeding or he will get used to it and he’ll always need your breast to fall asleep and dont rock the baby to sleep or he will always rely on it and wont be easy on ur back when he is older as he will be too big to rock . !!!
    Guess what i managed to do both till he is 3yrs and 3 months.

    And my husband was circumcised and he wanted my son to too … and where i come from we have never heard of circumcision. … so i said no… there is nothing wrong with not doing it and i have never heard of any problem araising because of not doing it either .
    And one night and an aunt rang and i was a bit overwhelmed. .. and i was telling her how confusing it all was as there is so many advise. And she said “who said u ll spoil ur baby by giving too many cuddles ?!!! There is no such thing and u should cuddle ur baby as much as u want. ”

    So called experts telling to let the baby cry it out. !! one night i tried crying it out… i didn’t last 5 mins… and ill regret that 5 mins my whole life. We were both (my baby and i ) were so upset… i couldn’t stop apologizing with tears.

    And then i stoped reading the books and followed my natural instinct. .. which was do what i always wanted to do… shower him with love. (* i dont like the word spoil when someone refers it to love … how can it go wrong when u give him/her/it so much love … shouldnt it grow better and give that love in return to anyone who comes across )
    I breast fed him to sleep… rocked him to sleep and he slept in my bed . He was breast fed till 3yrs 3 months and 3 weeks . And still sleeps with me at 3 and half. He will go to his own room when he is ready. And i will cherish all these years all my life. Love my baby. ❀

    Thank you for your article. Ill share it and hope many others will too.

  15. Love this, I’ve always said I will never do anything to my child that I would not do to another adult. Children may be children but they are still humans who have feelings, who deserve to be respected and treated as so. If my daughter doesn’t like the taste of something I cook, no problem, not going to force her to eat it just like I wouldn’t force myself to eat anything I didn’t like the taste of. It applies to so many things in life and I agree, somethings people should be judged for because they are altering their child based on them and their preferences, not their child. My mom made me wait until I was 8 to have my ears pierced because she said it was my decision. Same goes for my daughter, she will wait until she can make the decision for herself. I have no right to inflict that upon my daughter without her consent, again I see her as the human she is, small child yes, but also human,

  16. Agree with what your points. The only problem with “judging” in social groups is that most often it will come out as offensive to the reader because the writer may have meant it that way (actually upset when writing) or the reader may have taken it that way because the comment was not in person but in writing without voice or face. Mothers are already under quite a bit of stress and already in a defensive mode when boarding a issue. Any comment against her ideas are bound to make her even more defensive which starts the “mommy war”. Adults, just like kids, don’t listen when they get in the defensive (flight or fight mode) so if anything, a well intentioned comment will add more stress to the mother at best. Ideally, I think people should give those comments in person in meet ups where they can actually discuss things face to face πŸ™‚ if not, they should be one on one, and with empathy.

    1. I agree! It’s all about the delivery. We can’t make judgment go away (as I wrote), but we can choose how we say it to people.

  17. I feel like you reached into my heart and mind and put into words what I feel and know to be true. Thank you for this. I love every word of it.

  18. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING THIS! I actually read it when my daughter woke at 230 am last night and got so into it, I couldn’t get back to sleep for another hour! ha ha.
    I have actually lost friends because I chose a method that did not involve CIO to help my child sleep. I have been an advocate for the WIO method ever since. I didn’t even say anything that was judgmental to the other parents, yet they took it as I was calling them out anyways. To me- they had their own issues with choosing CIO and their own guilt around it…and I guess took it out on me, essentially. And damn rights- I WILL judge you if you choose to intentionally harm your child. All of this was the reason I WIO, I did not circumcise my son, and I did not pierce my daughter’s ears! Once again- thank you. <3

  19. You’re talking about extremes and yes, these things are terrible. But what about the single mom who needs to work? Is she terrible for trying a CIO with checks? Or is she simply surviving so she can do what she needs to drive to work alert/safe and provide for her child? What about the mom on the brink of PPD who has little social support? Is she wrong to try CIO with checks as a last resort for her mental and physical well being. I think it’s amazing that you advocate for children but you have to question if your judgement is coming from a place of privilege. Attachment parenting is a beautiful thing that is made much easier with time, money and social support. Many of the practices of AP come from a time and place where there litetally was a villiage available to raise a child. If we are quick to judge without first being compassionate and listening then we risk being oppressive.

    1. I think the issues you bring up go deeper than what’s on the surface and should be addressed at the root of those issues, but still, the children shouldn’t suffer. And I actually believe that attachment and gentle based parenting are ideal for those without privilege and help things run more smoothly and efficiently in less than ideal situations.

  20. Thank you for this excellent, pensive post. You basically brought all the thoughts I’ve had for years in my head about this issue to life. πŸ™‚

  21. Love it. Totally agree. I can’t stand it when people say “stop reading so much and go with your instinct.” The things I read (mostly developmental research) help me be a better parent and understand what I’m doing to my child. It absolutely is the parents that don’t know what their options are that end up hitting or using time outs, cry-it-out, etc. But it has gotten to the point that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when in a mommy group where everyone’s views are different.

  22. Love this. I always feel terrible for judging other parents but you have reminded me that it is human nature and I believe it has made me a better parent. Thank you for your words.

  23. I agree, completely, and am wholeheartedly pro-observation and contemplation about others’ behaviors and practices, and I think the “don’t judge” dogma is mostly saying, “don’t think.” That said, as the parent of an off-the-charts curious and strong-willed child (who entered the world that way), I have let my son engage in activities that I would have stopped had they not led to inevitable hour-long tantrums. I do this with my heart in my throat, poised to avert whichever impending disaster I’m praying doesn’t actually occur, but I’ve been judged every time, because people don’t know the whole story. Kids, especially little kids, are more different than most people realize, and while that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some practices that are completely appalling and others that we should aspire to, I do think people would often do well to sit back and contemplate before simply judging.

    1. I hear you. My son is also off the charts curious and so strong willed. He KNOWS what he wants and by God if I try to stop him. I get looks also and I’m sure I’ve been judged for allowing certain things. But if I judge and question parents then I can expect to be judged and questioned back. As long as my son isn’t causing harm to himself or others then I don’t mind what other people think. When harm is being done is where I take issue.

  24. here’s the science-based issue. judgement says “I’m right, you are wrong” as a nurse if I think a behavior should be changed for their health and well being..the last thing I do is judge. you see, judgement actually cultivates ignorance- in other words, people start to be secretive and non disclosing with behaviors. The fact that people are talking about cio or spanking, means they feel free enough to voice thier struggles. If the point is just to be right, judgement is great. if we actually want to change behavior knowing ones story, actively listening to and gently suggesting alternatives may be more successful. SIDE NOTE: swaddling and both parents working are SCIENTIFICALLY are proven to be much more harmful. ..if you swaddle and your baby dies, no amount of attachment will be successful. ..Children whos parents both work are proven to have more learning difficulties, risky behaviour, depression and suicide attempts.
    I most just think your choice of behaviours to judge are a little off balance. ..(but I’m not judging lol)
    -soon to be mama of 4 beautiful souls

    1. That’s a great reframe, Becca. I know that when I “judge” it’s not from a place of hate (frustration at times, yes). By judging I’m not necessarily saying it in a way that implies I’m better or sticking my nose up, rather I’m saying I’m judging it as I am being discerning. I am saying that because something is harmful it should be changed. Just like we do with people who commit hate crimes as I have examples in the article. So then maybe judgment wasn’t the right word? But everything else felt sugar coated and I really wanted to say how I really saw it at the time I wrote this. I also agree about parents working and leaving their babies. I have gone back and forth on whether I should write an article on this because I have a lot to say but it’s still such a charged topic. I guess this was, too, though. We’ll see πŸ™‚

  25. YES, totally agree, if we wouldn’t do it to our husband, grandma etc. than why is it ok to do to a helpless child? Without debate and discussion the myths that we own children and can therefore do as we like will continue. Once women were thought of in the same way oh and original Australians …

  26. I have worked in hospitals in low income areas, and come across so many just utterly horrible people. What society doesn’t shame, society allows. I think there are a lot of moms – the majority maybe even – that need to be told they’re doing their best, and to not hold themselves to impossible standards of perfection.

    But then there are flat out ignorant prideful and terrible mothers who take that same encouragement and think it applies to them equally. NO, it doesn’t.

  27. Thank you thank you thank you thank you… THANK YOU! Someone needed to finally say it. I’ll wear the judgmental badge proudly if it means I am staying true to my heart and speaking up for the children.

  28. I know. Protecting children from proven harm and advocating for them makes me so evil. Bwhahahahahaha

    1. Daniele Jackson… I rarely ever engage like this on the internet… because mostly it’s f*cking stupid and you don’t matter to my life one iota. That being said, WTF is wrong with you? Why would you ever talk like that to another human being? Are you in therapy? Here’s to hoping you don’t have kids yourself, and if you do, you don’t let this side of you shine through in front of them. Wishing you the best, and hoping you find some love and light to fill that dark heart of yours.

      1. Hi Daniele. Not sure which part you’re referring to or has you so triggered. Could you clarify? I’m okay with people hating me if it means I save and help some children. I do have a child of my own. I wouldn’t be so passionate about all of this if I didn’t πŸ™‚

  29. Puts things in perspective and easier to block out / disregard the bad advice we get.
    I once tried ‘controlled crying’
    I lasted less than 2 minutes but 8 years later I still feel guilty. I would never try it on my new baby.
    As a parent that has a son that spent 2 of his first days in hospital getting multiple blood tests, scans and other intrusive scary exams i don’t understand why anyone would choose to have unnecessary surgery on their newborn.

  30. At what age is it ok to use violence against people? E.g. if they don’t pay taxes, is it then ok to use violence against them even if they are just trying to live their lives?

  31. Girl, you are speaking my language. I had this exact thought yesterday. I cannot tell you how many times I have been concerned about accepted parenting practices that essentially are for the benefit of the parent, not the child. This is such a fantastic article. 5 years down the track of parenting (I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old) I am reaping the benefits of attachment parenting/peaceful parenting- I am a mental health clinician and a science person and I truly believe when you look at the evidence attachment parenting is well supported for every area of child development. Thanks for articulating so well my thoughts on this issue.

  32. Thank you so much for posting this. I was just talking to my husband about this last night. I have actually been judged by many people because I feel the way you do. I co-sleep with a sleeper next to my bed, I breastfeed, I am there if my child is upset, I don’t just pass my child around to people and if he is handed to someone I make sure my son is ok and at the first sign of distress I take him back. My husband and I don’t have other people watch my son unless it is his nana because he has seen her two or three times a week since he has been born and is very comfortable around her (I do it when I go to doctors appointments because of flu season) he also doesn’t get the bottle or a binky to sooth himself, we also have him on a schedule and don’t keep him out late. I have been told that I coddle him and that my son is spoiled. I have also been told that I need to let my child cry it out and now that he’s 6 months he should really be sleeping in a crib. I just don’t feel like any advice and judgments I have had thrown at me feels like a natural or motherly thing to do so I haven’t done it. So many people around me have judged me. I was starting to think I was doing something wrong. Thank you for posting this. I appreciate the fact that I am not the only one who has these views

  33. YES!! so well written. Thank you for taking the risk to write something that everyone may not like to see, but needs to be said.